I confess my Hope

Today is just another day of looking for jobs/sending out resumes.
My job search hasn’t been too good. I just received an email notification, regarding this job which I reali hope to get, that they have found someone else more suitable..yet again.

Its reali depressing/super disappointing when time and again, you received news: your resume is shelved for future job opportunities. You get frustrated when interviewers say I like you very much, we think you’re good, you've got excellent soft skills but you just dun have the necessary experience etc..Months have passed and I still dun know what I should be looking for. All I doing is just aimlessly sending out job applications.
After sometime..criterias dun realli matter.. JusT GeT a freaking Job/any job some would say.

Its reali difficult to be positive and take it all in …less to believe you got rejected bcos there’s something better out there.. I always tell Guanhua not to despair, to trust in the Lord that He will provide him with a good job.
I come to the sad realization I’m also subconsciously struggling to fully rely on God. Its so hard to have confidence..to tell myself that I’m good and there’s something better out there esp. when you really like that job that turns you down/think you stand a good chance clinching it after the interview..

Be confident- checked.
Be attentive -checked.
Be humble-checked.
Smile-checked..
Pray (hard)-checked..

so GOD, where exactly lies the problem? Am I not good enough? What else are they looking for? What kinda job should I be looking for? I kept pondering..
One moment, interviewers expect you to be assertive aka confident/eager to work…on the other hand others penalize you for being too outspoken, too ambitious aka too eager to learn. They often say: You are more suitable for client servicing, front n middle office roles but I'm afraid you dun have the required experience.. the list goes on. Goodness me. Only God knows what they want. Seriously.

Anyway,I still choose to be myself. Its too confusing to have so many job interview “identities” depending on what job interview you're going for. Job fit is about how suitable you are for the job and vice versa! Its not a one-way fit.

Having said so, I do mind how others think me. At times, I’m afraid to tell the truth or for that matter, just be yrself. I tend to overthink/over analyze at times(more often than not). I feel defeated knowing I’m prob not good enough for the job aka why am I still jobless (I'm sure by now some might think I'm choosy/lazy/plain not-good-enough) and that feeling sucks.

Life is a constant struggle. How often we let people who dun know us well, who isn’t even important in our life affect us, determine our self worth...We let their opinions and remarks hurt us/belittle us when God our no. 1 fan, the one who loves us unconditionally who adores us, thinks we are the best despite all our flaws and darkest secrets.
He desperately tries to get our attention while supporting us silently all these while..

We ought to see/ love ourselves the way our Almighty Father sees/loves us. In Pastor Daniel’s words, stop acting like POW (prisoner of war)!! Quit living in self pity, asking why no one understands/cares/loves us when HE is and always will be there for us.

He is with us thru it all. Run to Him. Not away from Him.
He’s the ONLY one who loves us for who we TRULY are.
Afterall..If God is for us, who can be against us??

This is my prayer today:

Dear Lord,

I confess my hope in the light of yr salvation
When I lose myself I will find you are all I need

I will meet you here in the life we call surrender
Let the world I know be the glory of yr grace

GOD I acknowledge YOUR ways are HIGHER than my ways
Thank you for all the Job interviews/opportunities
You know the desires of my heart…you know my worth, my darkest secrets, my worries
I'm sorry to lean on my own understanding…hence feeling defeated/lousy and worried
I fail to see myself thru YR eyes and most of all, I fail to trust completely in You
Today I want to claim yr promises to me: plans to prosper me and not harm me.
I reckon You know whats best for me
Instead of focusing on what went wrong, I want to focus on You.
Instead of focusing on what I dun have, I want to focus on what I have
I want to exchange my yolk with Yours..for Yours is light where else mine’s heavy
I want to live a life that’s pleasing to you..to bring glory to you in everything I do

Who we are is Yr Gift to us
Who we become is Our Gift to You

I want to channel my disappointment/sadness into compassion/faith in You
Would you be the Lord of my life and direct my path

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference

I will do my best with all that You have equipped me
When all is said and done, I will leave the rest to You
Would you draw near to me and teach me to rely on You fully
For You Alone are God

In Jesus most victorious name..I ask and pray, Amen


I love You Jesus
Yours Truly,