In your Anger do not Sin

Gosh I got to keep telling myself that and I’m so glad I did.
If all I focused on is my sadness and frustration, I will not have shared to someone today..

Todays the 1st day in my life for a long time that I'm seriously disgusted with someone-my manager as most of you will know by now.

She truly amazes me (in a negative way of course) and till now I still dun really understand why she’s so enraged? We didn’t talk at all today and she avoided all forms of contact.

Despite reprimanding me on last thus and fri, she continued to attack me with nasty emails implying 1) I have no common sense 2) I know nothing of what I’m doing 3) She suggested I wasn’t doing anything for past few months! She’s pain mad at me, kept digging at my so-called mistakes. She even sent me emails from home on Sat-can you believe her?!

Thing is she randomly reads my emails and keep picking on me when she has no idea what went in-btw. Now that a new manager is in, she has loads of time and she is all ready to attack me! She’s always ready to jump to conclusions abt everything and spares no effort in making me feel small and dumb. Everything I do seem to provoke her somehow!

I tried to work on some existing issues and she told me to Leave It Alone !! she will handle. So I did nothing today except replying to her emails and pointing out areas that she overlooked aka jumped to conclusions abt. Its the longest day ever. It’s really hard to work under her now that we are not on talking terms (I’m invisible to her apparently). Her face is super black and she finds every loophole to attack me. She only sees my weakness/mistakes and never my strength. Everyone can see my efforts but not her.

It appears she has no integrity too as she even revised my yr-end appraisal downwards. What’s the point of a joint appraisal? This is unacceptable (Quoting one of her fav lines of course)

I’ve been putting up with her for months. No matter how nasty she is, I never fail to acknowledge her presence. I have treated her well. At least I respected her.

But today she crossed the line. Its time to retaliate.. not in the pay-her-in-her own-coin sense but rather to talk to my Senior VP about the disturbing issues I faced at work. How does one function properly with someone constantly finds faults with you? She kept harping on same old thing time and again. A complete nag.

Not sure whats gonna happen after he talks to her..she would prob make life really difficult for me..whatever the case, I had enough of her nonsense. Dear Lord, Help me!

Unlike her, I do reflect on my actions and admit my mistakes/oversight at work. She’s always right; any attempt to reason with her is completely fruitless. She will just blow up and kept emphasizing how angry she is at me-as if I don’t understand the words coming out from her mouth. I get it ..seriously.

Anyway I left work on time as I wasn’t feeling too well. It’s pointless to stay anyway. I recalled my package for foot reflex/massage is expiring soon hence I made a trip to Kenko instead. Initially I was still pretty affected by what happened at work and shared abit with my masseur. Suddenly halfway thru the session she suddenly commented on how we Christians remain positive and are really nice, sincere people. I told her we all make mistakes from time to time and its not easy to forgive and forget..only God can do so. We are just a bunch of people learning to be more and more like Him. It’s a choice we have to make everyday. We need God’s grace and love to overcome obstacles in our life. He will never look down on us no matter what background and jobs/titles we hold. He does not gauge us according to our status in life and is always waiting patiently by our side, ever ready to hold us when we fall. God loves her as much as He loves me. God never rejects; always waits. .so whenever shes ready.

This isn’t the 1st time I shared to her but somehow this is the 1st time she is receptive! She asked me alot of questions and told me one of her friends (another Chinese national) is also a Christian hence she knew what I’m trying to get across. She asked me to lend her my bible! Praise the Lord! God is truly at work all the time! Deep down I know its not pure coincidence. God is God of miracles! No one comes to Him unless He draws near. God can use every wrong and turn it right!

I asked if I can pray for her and she said ok.(she’s kinda terrified at first). Tears rolled down as I prayed for her. I could feel God’s love for her and that moment I felt happy again..cos I wasn’t focusing on my problems. Everything looks brighter when I look up to Him. I realized God’s ways are higher than my ways and He works in mysterious ways. I have decided to get her a Chinese Bible and prob some Christian music cds.
Lets pray God will touch her. Thank You Lord Jesus for showing me how real You are once again..even in the midst of my troubles.

Dear Lord,
I surrender all my worries unto You;
Thank You for providing me an opportunity to talk to my Senior VP;
Thank You for giving me sufficient grace to survive today;
Thank You for all the ups and downs;
I know certain pains and worries are not taken away cos You want us to fully rely on You;
I Pray whatever doesn’t break me will only make me stronger in You;
I pray for more of You and Less of me;
Would you fix me as I’m broken;
Would you guide me and add onto me Your Wisdom to deal with this difficult situation;
Remind me that Your grace is sufficient for me;
Remind me that You are Bigger than all my problems, teach me Your ways and let me walk in Your peace;
Help me to focus on all my blessings and channel all sadness/worries into doing something worthwhile for You! Make my life count.
In Jesus Name I ask and Pray Amen

To John, Maikal, Phee, HP, Guanhua, Mark, Woody, Jason, Evan, JR, Rhea, Grace, Jean and Moo esp. Calvin, appreciate all your prayers and above all for standing by me. It matters a lot to me!

There’s a faint line btw being bullied and being tolerant of things…yup economys bad/its hard to find job/ I know things will prob tide over if I choose to submit to her again…but fact is I can’t go on pretending cos It hurts. I do not allow others to make me feel small/worthless cos we are all victors in Christ. My confidence comes from Him and not from myself. Above all God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of sound mind, peace and love.
(Me still working on it…slowly but surely I hope.)